Don’t get me wrong there are definitely wrong ways to parent. There are definitely abusive ways to parent. But if you’re a regular reader over here you probably already know that. You’re probably a subscriber because you deeply care about your child’s emotional wellbeing, you value play and you want to be the best parent (or teacher, therapist) you can be. And there’s something I’ve been saying a lot to the families I work directly with recently, and I want to share it with you…
Your child doesn’t need you to be the perfect parent!
How awful would that be?! Imagine, you're living with a "perfect mom”. What would that look like everyday? Someone that always says the right thing? That is always even tempered? That never over reacts or under reacts? Someone who is always perfectly put together?
Tell me how many CLOSE friends or family do you have like that?
My guess is none!
And there's a good reason for that. In order to have genuine authentic connections with other people, we need a key ingredient...vulnerability.
TWEET IT: Your child doesn’t need you to be the perfect parent. They need you to be human!@FCPLAYTHERAPY
If we're not vulnerable we lose out on the connection and that feeling of being fully understood and not being alone.
So if you make mistakes in your parenting. Be honest, be vulnerable, apologize to your child (in a simple age appropriate way) and see it as the opportunity to grow together.
Research on the all important attachment relationships shows that those securely attached parent-child pairs are not always perfectly in tune with each other. The mother is not always guessing correctly and addressing every need promptly. When building a secure attachment it’s all about the rupture and the repair. Without rupture, without mis reading each other, without misunderstandings, there’s no opportunity for repair and beautiful reunion.
So next time you judge yourself harshly for making a mistake or over reacting, take a moment and reframe because it is also a beautiful opportunity to strengthen your bond with your little one.
Vulnerability takes practice and that's why it's so essential to do your own work. Self reflection & compassion, solid support networks and personal therapy can help you to be with and heal your own pain. You can't be with your child's pain if you avoid your own.
I hope this message finds you at the perfect time!